


Empty Spaces

by fandomfix



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bitterness, Gen, I'm Sorry, M/M, POV First Person, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, i like to leave things ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7826071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfix/pseuds/fandomfix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There was a time when I thought I'd be able to fill something in you...but I've learned my lesson.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty Spaces

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously don't know what this is and I wrote it in about an hour. Let me know if you catch any glaring mistakes <3

There are spaces I can’t fill.

There are places that I want to enter but know are closed to me.

I look into your eyes and know that your heart is one of them.

We aren’t so different, you and I. Well…actually we are, but not in ways that count.

We are both strong. We are both intelligent. We are both wishing for some sort of validation that what we are doing and what we have done in the past was worth it. Was worth the pain and failure and everything else it took to get us here.

We are both trying so hard to be who the world expects us to be. Who our enemies imagine us to be.

The difference lies in our hearts.

I was brought up in a world where I saw love every day. What my family failed to show me, I still saw. I might have known they didn’t care for me, but I also never questioned that they all loved each other.

You…didn’t grow up that way.

And it shows. You don’t initiate closeness if you can help it and I’ve stopped trying to give it to you.

Once I would put my hand over your heart while we moved together. Once I would rest my head on your shoulder afterward. I no longer bother.

When we are finished and gasping for breath, I stay long enough to ensure you are comfortable, and I leave.

And I think you prefer it that way.

There was a time when I thought I’d be able to fill something in you, fill something in both of us. Even though you didn’t grow up with love. Even though we are both trying to be cold and emotionless. Despite all this, there is a part of me that will never forget how it feels to be embraced by someone.

I had hoped perhaps there was a part like this inside you as well.

But I have learned my lesson. I will only be reprimanded so many times. Pushed away, pushed aside, scolded for attempting intimacy and then yelled at when my anger gets the better of me.

I thought I could love you. I thought that I had found someone in this world who could give me something my master never would—affection.

But it is not to be. I will leave your room tonight—after one last night with you because I am a selfish creature—and I will not come back. I will return to my own quarters and wait for a summons from my master for my next mission. I hope it comes soon. I do not wish to be in your presence after tonight.

Not for a while anyway.

You are too intelligent. You will see my weakness, you will know that I… _felt_ something for you, and you will turn it against me.

But I know that your one weakness was seeing me maskless and vulnerable—and I will never show it to you again.

There are spaces that can’t be filled.

There are places that remain closed.

I will endeavor to make my heart one of those places as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hey on [my tumblr](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com)!


End file.
